a shell

Sometimes I wish that no one depended on me.  I feel like a shell of a person.  A shell of my former self.  A shell of who I could be. 

I want to curl up most days and do nothing.  I leave my house to go to church and that's it.  Most of the time, I have to force myself to do that much.  And even when I get there, I have to force myself to believe the kind words that anyone says.

I eat too much because I hate myself and I hate myself when I eat too much. 

I do not wish I were dead.  I just wish that the world would stop.