A whole month without writing... wow! In the interest of the honesty that I value above all else I'll tell you all that I've had a horrible month. This bipolar thing is really kicking my ass right now, as is life. I recently spent 11 fun-filled days in a psych hospital. I am not ashamed to admit this. It is part of my disease and I seriously doubt that this will be the last time I enter a facility for care. Bipolar people have to face such things as this.
I'd like to tell you that I learned so much while in the hospital and that I'm feeling so much better, but that's not the truth. The truth is that it's hard out here. In the real world. I'm going to outpatient treatment and making some friends, but it's still hard. Money problems don't help. Family problems don't help. But for the first time in weeks, I actually think I'll make it out of this severe fog that is my depressive episode.
I've had some people take a real interest in what's going on with me and I thank them all for that. They know who they are and I don't want to mention anyone's name who may not want the mention. Still, to them, thanks for listening. Thanks for understanding the drama that surrounds me. To everyone else, fuck off. I've been making it without your help for years.
Anyway, as I continue the treatment and look forward to May with optimism, I remain sad about a couple of things. One is that my ex died almost a year ago and I can't seem to shake my thoughts of him. He's even been in some dreams lately and every time I wake up reminded that he is no longer here, it makes me sad. Beyond sad really. Sometimes he could be the sweetest, most understanding boy and I really miss that in my life.
The other thing is that I am 2000 miles away from my best friend. I can't grab coffee with her. I can't sit and stew about the good ole' days. I can't watch endless My So-Called Life episodes and cry because Jordan Catalano is so stupid sometimes. I know that I had to move down here for my mother's health and that's the best reason in the world, but of all the things I miss from NJ, I miss her the most.
Anyway, I'm trying to use my coping skills to get through this depressive episode and writing is the one I like the most. So, I don't plan on staying away for this long again. Be back soon. I promise.
