measure of horrible

Had a horrible dream last night.  One of those dreams where you wake up swinging.  And crying.  One of those dreams where you want someone to hold you.  Although, I imagine that if someone were next to me when I had one of these dreams, they would think I was a mess.

Is it wrong that I immediately go to the "no one will ever love me" place when something like this happens?  Yes.  It is wrong.  I don't need you to tell me that.

Anyway, the dream involved an uncle that once did something very not right to me. So, in the dream he's trying to do it again and I keep trying to fight him off, but he is not relenting.

I'm screaming and my brother comes running in, but he doesn't react like I thought he would.  Instead he goes to get my mother. 

What help is she?  None.

She, like, doesn't believe me.  And even my brother's like, "well, I didn't SEE anything, I just heard her screaming". 

So, then I'm standing there defending myself and my uncle is saying nothing.  Nothing at all.  But he's still winning this fight.  And it's horrible. 

It's really a measure of horrible that I cannot even put into words.  It's a measure of horrible that causes you to wake up kicking an imaginary uncle in the face.  That causes you to cry for 20 minutes in the bathroom because your family is still asleep.  That causes you to wonder if anyone will ever love you once you tell them all the shit you've been through. 

For now, I will listen to Rob Thomas, because I totally am not kidding when I say that he changed my world.  Something about that man's voice changes my mood.  At least I have him.  And he can't hurt me and he'll never leave.